I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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