Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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