Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
