we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
