I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
