I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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