meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
