Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
