how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
