I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
