Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
