ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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