I'm so fucking centered right now
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
