he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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