So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
