I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
