just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
