All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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