Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
