Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
