those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
me + whiskey = a bad person
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
