I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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