it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
