dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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