Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
