We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
