That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
