I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
