i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
