My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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