i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's just like the Real World with babies
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
