I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
