evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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