I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
