isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
