dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
