Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
