My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
