Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
