$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
