Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
