So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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