I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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