you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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