eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
