I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
