I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
