It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
