its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
