is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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