naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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