Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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