yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
