are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
