Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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