I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
