if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
