like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
