For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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