I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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