A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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