i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
