2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
