I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
