Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
