Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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