dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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