Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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