I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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