So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
