i just google imaged poop.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
