i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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