We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
