I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
