I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
